


The Best Laid Plans of Snakes and Squirrels

by Supergeek21



Series: BT Tower Telephone Group C [5]
Category: Good Omens (Radio), Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Animal Transformation, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), BT Tower Telephone Event, Comedy, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Do It With Style Events, Fluff, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Idiots in Love, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Love, M/M, Marriage Proposal, POV Crowley (Good Omens), Romantic Comedy, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Snektember, Soft Aziraphale (Good Omens), Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Tooth-Rotting Fluff, animal shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:00:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26585515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supergeek21/pseuds/Supergeek21
Summary: Crowley's plan to propose to his Angel goes slightly awry.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: BT Tower Telephone Group C [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1937824
Comments: 22
Kudos: 94
Collections: Work 50: Proposals





	The Best Laid Plans of Snakes and Squirrels

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Friendly Wager](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26676910) by [Remnince](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remnince/pseuds/Remnince). 



> This work is part of the Do It With Style BT Tower Telephone Event, in Group C, in which all works were categorized as SFW Fluff. 
> 
> The first piece in each series was inspired by a short prompt and each subsequent one was inspired by a partially redacted copy of the piece that proceeded it, written in 48 hours and passed to the next person. 
> 
> I saw a redacted image of what I thought was Crowley and Aziraphale in a park and this is what came out lol!

Crowley squirmed nervously on the park bench. He’d been planning this for weeks and now that the moment was almost here, he was utterly terrified.

He looked across the park to where Aziraphale stood chatting with the ice cream vendor, his white-blond hair glowing in the sunlight like the halo Crowley knew he occasionally used as a booklight, and smiled, his hand jumping to his jacket pocket to feel for the ring again.

Crowley had a plan. He knew what he wanted to say; now it was just a matter of not tripping over his own forked tongue. He carefully slipped the ring out to look at it one more time. It was perfect, if he did say so himself: a simple, gold band with a serpent carved intricately around its circumference. Inside the ring were engraved the words ‘My Love for you is Ineffable.’

He knew no one else would possibly understand, but Aziraphale would and, hopefully, he would accept.

 _He has to say yes,_ Crowley reassured himself. They had been on “their own side” for two years and had been a couple for just over one. Maybe this was moving a bit fast, but he’d been in love with the angel since Eden, for Somebody’s sake! He’d waited long enough.

Crowley was so focused on the ring in his hand he didn’t notice the couple up the path lose control of their dog. Nor did he see said dog charge into a flock of ducks standing by the nearby pond. In fact, he didn’t see anything up until the moment a terrified mallard took flight and crashed into the side of his head.

Crowley jumped, sending the delicate gold band flying into the air.

“Shit!” the demon cried, glaring after the fleeing duck for a moment before he started panicking. _Where’s the ring?!_

He spotted it a few feet away and moved to grab it but was beaten to it by a rotund squirrel, who looked at the shiny object curiously before snatching it up and making a run for a nearby tree.

Crowley’s eyes blew wide behind his sunglasses. This was like a bad joke! He had wondered more than once if God was still punishing him for the whole apple incident. Animals had never liked him. His plans always blew up on him. Maybe it was revenge. 

Crowley snapped his fingers and conjured a bag of peanuts, maybe he could trick the furry bastard into dropping the ring for a tasty snack.

He glanced over to make sure Aziraphale was still preoccupied. He was talking to a woman with a baby.

 _Good,_ Crowley thought. _That’ll distract him for at least a couple minutes._

The demon chucked a nut at the squirrel as it sat at the base of the tree. It looked curiously at him but didn’t move.

“That’s it. Come here you little rat,” Crowley said gently, tossing a few more nuts on the ground. “Just drop the ring and I won’t hurt you.”

The squirrel looked from the nuts to Crowley, then darted further up the tree out of the man-shaped-being’s reach.

“Son of a---” Crowley spat. He snapped his fingers again, shaking the branch, but the rodent stubbornly held on. Crowley thought momentarily of simply breaking the branch off with a miracle, but he wasn’t sure the tree deserved that; plus, it would ruin the picturesque setting he’d picked for the proposal.

 _Nope,_ he thought _. Have to do this the old-fashioned way._

Crowley took a deep breath, rolled his shoulders and let his arms melt into his body as he elongated into his snake form and started slithering up the tree.

The squirrel began to chatter loudly at the sight of the gigantic black and red predator now making his way towards it.

“Sssshut up!” Crowley hissed. There were a handful of people watching now, but luckily, none of them were his angel. “Jussst drop the ring and you can be on your way.”

The squirrel darted out onto a branch and Crowley chased after it, baring his sharp fangs.

That did the trick! The squirrel jumped, dropping the ring. Crowley let out a hiss and lunged down the branch, jaws snapping to catch the ring between his teeth.

For a moment it almost seemed as if his plan had worked. He felt the metal clack against one fang and wrapped his tongue around it. Unfortunately, he’d forgotten to consider that a squirrel weighs significantly less than a twelve-foot serpent; the demon heard a sickening crack and felt the branch snap beneath him.

Crowley laid still, surrounded by leaves and twigs in a crumpled ball of dazed snake until he heard a concerned voice coming towards him.

“Excuse me, please! Out of the way!”

He felt the tingle of a miracle and saw the crowd start to disperse around him. The next thing he knew a soft hand was gently stroking the scales on his head.

“Are you alright, My Dear?” Aziraphale asked gently.

Crowley jolted back to himself and looked up in shock and embarrassment at the angel, who had taken a seat on the edge of the bench and was leaning over him.

In a flash Crowley was back in his human shape on the grass.

“’m’fine ‘ngel,” he muttered through closed lips, the ring still grasped in his mouth. 

Aziraphale continued to examine him up and down.

“Are you sure? You sound funny. What on Earth were you doing?” 

Crowley coughed and spit the ring into his fist. “Yeah. S’not important. Let’s jus’ go. S’all tickety-boo,” he grumbled, a blush creeping up his cheeks.

Aziraphale rested a firm hand on his shoulder as Crowley started to rise.

“I’m not going anywhere until you explain what’s going on, Dear Boy,” he said. 

Crowley groaned and rolled his eyes before sliding his glasses off his face.

“Fine,” he huffed. “Sit back. This isn’t how I wanted to do this, but…” he shifted from his half-to-his-feet-crouch down to one knee and did his best to wipe the saliva off the ring on his cuff. In his free hand, he took Aziraphale’s from its perch on his shoulder.

“Angel,” he said, looking up at Aziraphale. “I had this planned out a bit differently, until that bloody squirrel got in the way, but I’ve loved you since the very Beginning of this world, and two years ago we saved it to start our own side.”

Aziraphale’s blue-grey eyes went wide, but he said nothing, merely squeezing Crowley’s hand tighter.

“The last year together has been the best one out of the 6,000 plus I’ve lived, and I would be happier than any demon has the right to be if you would marry me and make ‘our side’ an official Arrangement.”

Crowley heard his own voice catch on the last words and held out his hand, exposing the ring on his open palm.

“Oh Crowley!” Aziraphale gasped, tears filling his eyes. “Of course! Yes!” 

Crowley beamed as Aziraphale yanked him off his knee and up into a passionate kiss. When they broke apart, Aziraphale held out his left hand and Crowley slid the ring onto his finger.

“Ssssorry about the spit,” he muttered, and the angel laughed warmly.

“Not a problem, My Love,” he said. “Though I’m afraid you still owe me an explanation about the ‘bloody squirrel,’”

Crowley cringed. “How about I tell you over a celebratory dinner a LOT of wine?” he asked.

Aziraphale beamed. “That sounds lovely.”

**Author's Note:**

> Extended original ending cut for word count: As the two immortal beings walked out of the park hand-in-hand, a plump squirrel nibbled on a peanut, chattering happily.
> 
> *****  
> If you enjoy this kind of nonsense, please leave kudos or comments and check out my other works on AO3! I love to hear from people. You can also find me on Social Media on [Tumblr](https://supergeek21.tumblr.com/), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/jessiemarie921/), or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JessieMarie921) where I post regular updates about my stories. Thanks!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A-corny Proposal](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26633518) by [mehrto](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mehrto/pseuds/mehrto)




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